My Farewell as Secretary

I wrote this last week, but I never delivered it. The time wasn't right. I am finding that for the first time since getting involved in UPEX that I don't hold an office. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'll think of something.

Dear Friends,
Another year has gone by and we are together again to enjoy our annual bbq and election meeting. It is time for us to reflect on the past year and the parts we played in the events that occurred in our community. In the last three years, I’ve ruminated in silence about the part I played in the community. Did I do what I thought was best? Did I add to the joy, optimism and growth of my friends and family in the leather community? Did I grow and learn during the year?
This year is different. I’m happy that I get the opportunity to share with all of you, my friends and leather family, my thoughts on what part I played in the things that have happened this year.
Before I go any farther, I want to express my sincerest thanks in letting me be the secretary for the past three years. I had been a UPEX member for barely three months when to my surprise I was nominated and elected for secretary. At the time I accepted only because I knew it would keep me busy so I wouldn’t be thinking of my beloved Kim whom I had lost only five months before. Over the years, this position has kept me sane and on an even keel. I couldn’t have done it without all of your support. Thank you.
This year, unlike any other year, we have faced some major challenges. I think there were times that the entire board wondered if UPEX could weather the storms that were battering our little group. I’m happy to say that we made it and we’re hopefully stronger for the challenges we endured. We faced accusations and rumors from the outside; there were those who sought to destroy the joyous family we have because we believe in tolerating each and every person’s kink in our community and we don’t need to belong to the status quo. Those were painful days for me. I felt like I had lost several friends who were mentors and like family. But UPEX weathered this storm. We found new friends and added new people to our leather family. Survival is a huge accomplishment and the fact that we have new members to share in our experiences is by far the greatest accomplishment this year.
I think that the first incarnation of the Pledge program was quite successful. It’s true that there are some things that need to be ironed out, but for the first run through, I think it was great. I would say that the Pledge program is possibly one of the most successful endeavors of the year. I look forward to helping out in the future because the enthusiasm and curiosity of newbies is contagious and I love the heady feeling of discovering this new world!
We had several grand schemes when the year began. I questioned whether we bit off more than we could chew. Perhaps if we didn’t have so many challenges in the past year we would have accomplished more than we did, but we have no way of knowing what would’ve happened if things took a different path than they did. For my part, I want to apologize that we didn’t get more done. But then again, if we had done all the things we wanted to this year, there wouldn’t be anything for the new UPEX board to do!
One of the things I wanted to do is get more group participation. Over the years the board has done most of the planning and taking care of the meetings and parties. I have always wanted to see more people volunteering to help out. You don’t need to be on the board to make a huge difference. If you want to participate, there’s a place for you. Speak up and get involved. I would love to see each and every one of you volunteer to do a presentation. Think you don’t know as much about a topic as someone sitting on the board? Think again. My first presentation was horrible. It was on cages. I knew nothing about cages, but I read as much as I could find on the topic and Jodi managed to find a cage and we set it up and I think that in spite of my insecurity and fumbling through notes things went pretty well. Step up to the plate and present on something you want to learn more about. That’s how we all learn from one another. Is there some sort of event in the city that sounds like it would be fun for a group outing? Speak up and let’s get moving! UPEX is only as strong and fun as its members want it to be.
I think we spent a large part of the year being afraid of specters that even if they did exist couldn’t affect us as much as some wanted us to believe. We’ve spent so much of our time building up our defenses that some people don’t feel comfortable being around us. The defenses were necessary at the time, but now is the time to open ourselves up to the possibilities and renew friendships we once had. Is it possible that we’ll get hurt? Of course it is. But this year proves that UPEX is resilient. UPEX has always been friendly and welcoming to everyone. It’s time that we encourage each other to welcome anyone and everyone to come to coffee, our meetings, and our parties. It’s time for us to be optimistic and if I can use a favorite expression, we need to become bouncy again. The joy I feel when bouncing is contagious. Let’s spread the spirit of bouncing, if not the action. Let’s get more in touch with the playful aspects of BDSM and not bogged down in the fear and business aspects that can isolate people who just are looking for a fun-loving group of people to share their love of kink with. This requires each and every one of us to work…whether or not you’re a board member. Do anything and everything in your power to help this group thrive. Thank you.

Where Have All The Funny Women Gone?

I'm sitting here watching the Monday night sitcoms and ruminating on the fact that there aren't as many funny women starring in shows as funny men. From early in the history of television there have been funny women whose antics made their audiences laugh. Comedy is certainly an ensemble creation, with the exception of stand-up comedy, but I'm specifically interested in the world of sitcoms. I Love Lucy started everything up, but then came along I Dream of Jeannie and Bewitched. Mary Tyler Moore and Carol Burnett have earned their places in history as well. But somewhere along the lines women have become the straight guy to their male comedic counterparts. Sure there were Murphy Brown, Ellen, and Grace Under Fire through the nineties, but where are the funny ladies of the new century? Are they all destined to be the serious partner in the comedic relationship? How did this happen? I suspect that it has something to do with the feminist movement.
In a number of Shakespeare's comedies, female characters would dress up as boys or young men in order to become liberated from the expectations society placed on the importance of being and acting like a lady. In the modern age, women have indeed found that working outside the home and being more than just a lady is indeed liberating. In the early days of television the boundaries that separated masculinity from femininity were explored; Lucy's antics were often very physical and defied the notion that women and physical humor excluded one another due to the female upbringing and the proper demeanor a lady ought to possess. In both I Dream of Jeannie and Bewitched, the women were powerful, far more powerful than the men they were with. The men were the ones who had to play it straight. Women became empowered by watching women like these and other working women like Mary Tyler Moore.
As women became more equal in the workplace, we began to see more and more workplace comedies. Murphy Brown and Grace Under Fire were two tough women with a funny side, but certainly they were more serious than their earlier counterparts, perhaps because they were dealing with and exploring the issues surrounding women in the post-feminist era.
In the nineties and up to this year's sitcoms, we've started to see fewer and fewer female leads. Sure there was Sex in the City, if you had the right cable channel, but on the main networks comedic female leads haven't fared nearly as well. Women are thriving in the worlds of Law and Order and CSI; they are portrayed as intelligent and sexy, but where are the intelligent, sexy women who used to have on the small screen? What effect will this have on the kids watching tonight's sitcoms? Will these boys grow up to think that the boorish behavior of some of the father characters is acceptable while the women have to be more serious and figure out how to solve the problems they face as a couple? Will it someday lead to the notion that women who are funny lack restraint? I guess we'll just have to stay tuned.

To Die....To Live

I don't watch Oprah very often. Most of the stories are dull and uninteresting, typical of the average talk show. Every so often, she'll do a show that is really amazing; if it isn't amazing then it's at least compelling enough to keep me watching. Today's show was on heroes. I wasn't paying a whole lot of attention until the end when she was talking about her hero, Mattie Stepanek. Mattie was a little kid with some rare form of muscular dystrophy. It's so hard to see kids in wheelchairs, so those weren't the episodes I watched very often. I remember hearing that he had died at the age of 13--not quite making it to his fourteenth birthday. He really was a remarkable kid...far wiser than most people three or four times his age. Just watching him you could feel his intense energy and love for his fellow man. He wanted to be remembered as a poet and a peacemaker. Jimmy Carter and Oprah Winfrey were just a few of the thousands of people whose lives he touched and who spoke at his funeral. The local firemen in his area loved this kid...and he loved them as well. He was given a hero's funeral and his name has been put on the fallen voluntary fire fighter's memorial in his town. Pretty remarkable stuff for one so young... and yet, not so young. Undoubtedly the soul that briefly occupied that small, sickly body was ancient...it was in his eyes. Today Oprah had his mother on the show and she recounted his last days, his body was wracked in pain to the point that his fingernails fell off and he gasped for every breath he took. He would tell his mother how beautiful Heaven was and how he was ready to go; she couldn't help but beg him to stay with her. For two weeks the little guy lived...drifting in and out of consciousness and talking about how nice Heaven was. Finally his mom realized that she was hurting the one who meant the most to her and she finally said that he could go. A few hours later he died in her arms.
I will be the first to admit hearing her recount the death of Mattie made me cry. I don't know about anyone else, but somehow hearing about such things is comforting to me. Maybe it's because I really did most of my grieving for Kim alone. No one here ever met Kim. In fact, I know of only one person actively involved in the community who knew Kim....but she knew Him as the funny, brilliant manager of Orvis Hot Springs (she might actually make it up here in October!). Everyone has been kind and listened to me go on and on about Kim. I still grieve and I suppose I will until we meet again...and I know that we will. But I digress. When 9/11 happened, all of those people who lost their loved ones were people I looked to for their courage; I related to them. I love to see the segments on the kids who were born after 9/11 and the ones who remembered their parents. I still cry when I see all those people who still struggle and mourn, and yet, I also see how they continue to live and find love and joy in life. It's so hard to find joy after enduring the loss of someone...no matter how long you've known them or how they died. The pain never ceases, it just becomes possible to move it further back in your memory so you can go on with your life. My lonliness was the reason why I found the Grieving Leatherfolk Yahoo group. I have found many who feel as alone as I did...and I hope knowing that we aren't alone is of some comfort to others.
Kim was an amazing man. When we were first starting to talk, He told me that He would always be there for as long as I needed Him. I don't doubt that He did everything in His power to make His passing as easy on me and L. as possible. When L. called me and told me that she didn't think He had much longer to go, I didn't think I'd make it to California to say goodbye; but He waited. He was so relieved and happy to see me and have both of His girls with Him. He even stayed for the next day, but I knew He was ready to go; He had been ready to go the week before when I left for home. Sometimes you can see it in their eyes that they have let go and they're only waiting for the rest of us to accept that it is time. Grandpa was kind of the same way, only, I think that somehow Grandpa was more afraid of dying, even though Kim was forty years younger. It was an honor to be with Kim when He died. It was an amazing spiritual experience for me...one that I don't think I'll fully understand until it's my turn. Death is life... whether or not it leads to something else for the soul. It most certainly changes the direction of the lives of those who grieve. I am not the suicidal girl Kim found grasping for life on the internet, I am far better for what He taught me in the last ten months of His life. His death was my rebirth into a new and better life than what I had before I met Him.

Disclaimer

Okay, here's my one and only disclaimer: All of the stories are copyrighted by me so feel free to pass them on but give me credit, okay? I write for fun, but these are my creations and I want the credit since I'm not getting anything else out of them except for a great mental masturbation session.
The characters in these stories are fictional and any resemblance to real people is purely coincidental. All opinions expressed here are my opinions or the opinions of those who decide to comment.
Be respectful and act like adults. I'll be a very unhappy person if people anyone...brings back memories of the schoolyard bullies that harassed me when I was a kid. Most of all, have fun!

Dorothea in the Land of AAAAAAAAHHHHHS

DOROTHEA IN THE LAND OF AAAHHHHS
By: Laurie

Dorothea had just put on her favorite brown wig and was beginning to apply her eyeliner when her dressing room suddenly shook and she was hit in the head by a bottle of her favorite Liz Taylor perfume. She fell out of her chair unconscious and unaware that her legs were sprawled apart in a most unlady-like fashion. Her little dog Dildo was thrown into her face.
When Dorothea came to, Dildo was licking her face. She immediately put her legs together and stood up. She was a bit concerned about what happened; more concerned that all her perfume bottles and makeup weren’t ruined; and even more concerned because she had lost a few sequins and beads on her favorite blue dress. Once her fears that her dress didn’t look bad at all, she looked at the clock on the wall. It obviously wasn’t working, but she suspected it was close to show time.
Dorothea sashayed out of her dressing room and ran smack into a rather small person wearing a gold latex cat suit. "Do you see what you just did?" the little person paced frantically back and forth. "Your room has dropped right on the Wicked Switch of the West and my favorite pink flogger! We were just about to start our scene and now you’ve ruined everything!"
Before Dorothea could respond to the odd accusation, she found herself surrounded by an ever-swelling crowd of small people in fetish gear, some wielding implements of torture. "Red!" someone shrieked in a high pitch voice. "Safeword!" called someone else. Five or six people in leather and latex costumes with orange vests made their way through the crowd. "What is the meaning of this?" asked a small but attractive, burly man in leather chaps and a harness half obscured by the orange vest, "you did not RSVP to our party. I must ask you to leave immediately!"
Dorothea was stunned but remained composed. "I would gladly leave. I have a show to put on about now– it’s my Judy Garland act and I hate to disappoint my audience. Can you tell me how to get back home?" The crowd of little people was fuming. "What do you mean show you the way back home?" the man in the leather chaps asked, "You found your way in here, now find your way out before I call the authorities!"
"There’s no need to call the authorities," a very sexy woman in a form fitting electric blue rubber dress and curly red hair said in a soothing but very high voice.
"But look what she did to the Wicked Switch of the West!" the person in the gold cat suit exclaimed, "That’s not the sort of bondage the Wicked Switch is into!" The woman in the blue dress glanced at the ruby red stilettos sticking out from under the building then turned back to Dorothea who was, if possible, more stunned than when she opened the door. "Who are you?" she asked. The woman sweetly said, "I am Glenda the Good Switch of the North. Now, what you need to do is put on the Wicked Switch’s ruby red stilettos and follow the leather clad road to find the Wizard of Ahhs and then you’ll get back to where you belong and we can get back to partying."
Even though the ruby red stilettos didn’t look very good with her dress, Dorothea put them on. She had to admit the Wicked Switch of the West had great taste in shoes.
“But what about Dildo? I can’t leave poor Dildo behind,” Dorothea picked up the shaggy black dog.
“By all means take Dildo with you. This is a human play party; we don’t even permit plushies so real animals are out of the question.”
Dorothea set out on the leather-clad road with her fearless dog Dildo merrily trotting behind her. “Oh Dildo, these damn shoes are killing me!” Dorothea exclaimed about ten minutes after they had set out to seek the Wizard of Ahhs. She was so preoccupied thinking about the blisters forming on her feet that she didn’t notice the person who had stealthily grabbed Dildo before he could so much as yelp to alert his mistress. The stranger quietly tied the dog to a tree just off the leather-clad road and returned to stalk Dorothea. A black leather glove clapped over Dorothea’s mouth and black feathers tickled her nose. “I have you now my pretty and your little dog too!” a deep, husky voice cackled madly as he pulled Dorothea to the ground. It wasn’t until she was pulled down to the ground that Dorothea was able to get a good look at her assailant. He was a burly man with a bushy beard, beaky nose and wearing the largest and most feathery black boa Dorothea had ever seen—quite an accomplishment since she had seen thousands of feather boas. “Get off of me!” Dorothea screamed at the strange man.
“Did I scare you?” the man asked, hiking the blue dress up over Dorothea’s hips.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?! Beat it asshole!”
“That’s no way for a lady to talk, especially in your position.” The man ripped open Dorothea’s expensive silk pantyhose. He sat back on his heels. “Ohhh I see now. You’re not a woman; you just play one on stage.” Dorothea blushed deeply. “Oh well…a cock is as good as a cunt.” The man began working Dorothea’s cock. Whoever he was, Dorothea thought, he was good at what he did. Aw what the hell, she thought to herself. All too soon the man in the feather boa greedily swallowed Dorothea’s come. “Ohhh that was good,” the man said rolling on his back, “Sorry about the hose, man. Let me go get your dog.” Dildo came running madly towards his mistress and began licking her face, relieved all was well. The man in the feather boa stood over them. “I hear you’re off to see the Wizard of Ahhs,”
“Yep,” Dorothea stood up and straightened herself out the best she could. She noticed a couple more beads had come off her dress. She sighed. It was hopeless. "I’m coming along,” the man announced. “Not until you introduce yourself,” Dorothea said.
The man chuckled. “I thought it was obvious. My name is Scarecrow. Can’t you tell? My favorite type of scene is terror play. Maybe if I had more brains I’d really scare you.”
Dorothea and the Scarecrow with Dildo prancing along behind them continued along the leather-clad road for some time until Dorothea sat down and leaned against a silver tree trunk. “I can’t take it anymore. These damn stilettos are killing me.”
“So walk barefoot. The leather will feel good. Dunno why you’ve been holding out so long.” Scarecrow said.
“Try standing around in metal boots for a week straight,” a rather tinny voice said from behind Dorothea. Dorothea realized she hadn’t been leaning against a tree after all. It was a man dressed in metal armor.
“Let me guess,” Dorothea said wryly, “You must be the tin man.”
He nodded, “That’s what they call me. I have a metal fetish…it began with tin foil when I was quite small. My mistress decided to punish me for not being able to satisfy her. Little did I realize, the only reason she left me out in the rain in this suit of armor is so she could run off with the Mayor of Diamond City and get her hands on his vibrator collection.” He sighed, “If I only had a hard-on I wouldn’t be in this mess. Do you have any lube on you? I’m really stiff…in more ways than one.”
Naturally Scarecrow had a bottle of lube in one of his tattered pockets as well as some baby oil. Dorothea oiled the armor joints while Scarecrow unfastened the codpiece. “What a cock!” he exclaimed, “Dorothea needs to have it in the ass!” Dorothea felt bad for Tin Man and offered him a piece of ass. Dorothea wasn’t expecting getting sucked off by Scarecrow at the same time. It’s also safe to assume Scarecrow wasn’t expecting to get his leg humped by Dildo, but with all the testosterone in the air, it should’ve been expected. Try as he might, Tin Man’s eager looking cock just wouldn’t perform. The three ended up napping instead of coming. When they woke up, Dorothea said, “Maybe the Wizard of Aaaahhhs can help. At least he can give you some Viagra or something.”
“Awesome! Then I can get my mistress back!”
“That bitch?” Scarecrow said, “You can do better man. With that cock you’ll have women kneeling at your feet.”
“I’m not much of a switch,” Tin Man said shyly, “I prefer kneeling.”
The leather-clad road led them into a scary dark forest. They hadn’t gone very far when they heard a mighty roar. A lion sprang out of nowhere and Dildo barked furiously at him and began pulling on his leg.
“Do you have any idea how much this outfit cost, dog? Let go! This is real lion leather and fur!”
“Leave Dildo alone!” Dorothea seized her dog. The lion began trembling and soon he started to cry. “I’m sorry,” he said, “I didn’t mean it—please don’t hurt me! RED!” he wailed.
“That man has no spine,” Tin Man commented to Scarecrow.
The lion overheard that comment. “I know. I just get so afraid of women…they can be so—so—“
“Brutal” Scarecrow finished the sentence.
“Yeah what he said.” The lion looked at Dorothea fearfully.
“What the hell, if the Wizard of Aaaahs can help us, he can help you too. Come with us.” The only problem was they had to wait until Dildo had finished humping Lion. “That dog sure has a lot of energy,” Tin Man said, rather jealously.
Eventually Dorothea and her new friends made it to Emerald City. They found a nice cheap motel where they could fuck each other while tin man watched in anguish. “I sure hope the Wizard of Aaaahs can help me out,” he muttered, stroking his cock and wishing he could shoot his load. Even Lion was able to come once Dorothea’s wig came off.
The next day they made their way to the grand emerald covered palace where the Wizard of Ahhs resided. He was preoccupied with Queen Marie Osmond and her consort Donnie.” Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!”
The couple and several lords and ladies were all climaxing again and again. Dorothea watched, feeling like it was time for another romp in bed with Scarecrow and the cowardly lion. “No wonder he’s called the Wizard of Ahhs. I’ve never seen anything like it.”
The purple and green leather clad wizard mercifully let the semi-satiated participants rest while he met with the newcomers. “What can I do for you folks?”
“I want some brains so I can fuck with peoples’ heads,” said Scarecrow.
“I want some Viagra so I can finally get off,” said Tin Man, “and maybe get a new mistress.”
“I want some courage so I can have a good time with men and women,” said Lion.
“I just want to get my ass back home to Vegas and my show with Dildo,” said Dorothea.
“You don’t need brains, Scarecrow,” said the Wizard, “You just need some mentoring from an expert. Donnie over there will be a great mentor for you. Once he got an entire country’s teen population to wear tacky purple socks.”
“That’s pretty scary,” Scarecrow agreed happily.
“And you don’t need Viagra,” he told the Tin Man, “You need some confidence and someone who will appreciate your fetishes and your service. A few days here in Donnie and Marie’s seraglio and you will wish you could rest!”
“As for you, Lion, you just need to get over it. I have a place for you here and in time you won’t be so shy of females. We’ll get you used to ‘em. Their equipment might not be the same, but it’s not bad at all. You’re going to be very popular in that outfit,” the Wizard leered. Lion blushed and everyone noticed the bulge in the tight lion leather outfit.
“Now little lady, as for you and your little dog, that might be a little bit more difficult. Are you an acrobat or contortionist?”
“Not in the least,” Dorothea frowned.
“Hmmm. I’ll tell you what you need to do. While wearing the ruby red stilettos, you need to click your heels three times and say, “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home.”
“That’s not so hard,” Dorothea said relieved.
“I’m not done yet,” said the Wizard of Ahhs, “You have to do that just as you get ready to climax.”
“That still doesn’t sound that hard. Just hard to remember.”
“I’m not done yet. Please stop interrupting me.”
“Sorry.”
“You’re going to have to be upside down as well.”
“How the hell am I going to stay upside down and come?! What do you think I am? Some sort of acrobat?!”
“No, I don’t think you’re some kind of acrobat; you’ve made it very clear that you are neither acrobat nor contortionist. We’ll just have to tie you on to a trapeze and have you fucked. We have plenty of acrobats eager to fuck someone in that position.”
“How did I get myself into this?” Dorothea grumbled, not expecting an answer.
“You crashed your dressing room into the Wicked Switch of the West!” a vaguely familiar midget in a bright purple cat suit and purple socks replied.
“We have no time to lose,” The Wizard said, “We must hurry down the leather clad road and save the Wicked Switch of the West. She’s probably pissed you took your sweet time getting here.”
By the time the Emerald City entourage made it to the dungeon where Dorothea’s dressing room had landed on the Wicked Switch of the West, a padded trapeze had already been set up. Glenda the Good Switch was nominated to be the trapeze sex artist since her sexual prowess was well known by all.
Dorothea couldn’t believe the crowd that had amassed to watch. “I can’t come with an audience!”
“You’ll do fine,” Tin Man reassured her, “You just need a little more confidence!” It was obvious that Queen Marie Osmond’s attentions to the Tin Man in the royal carriage had been successful.
The Wizard of Aaaahs gently tied Dorothea to the trapeze, occasionally fondling her cock so that she’d be ready for Glenda. Dildo was doing his part in trying to encourage his mistress by humping Lion’s leg.
Glenda the Good Switch of the East made her grand entrance wearing a semi-transparent purple and black latex open-crotch teddy and purple black cloak. Everyone applauded as she threw her cloak down at Donnie Osmond’s feet and approached the trapeze where the Wizard was doing a final check on his rope handiwork. Her long legs straddled Dorothea who had shed her blue dress but not her wig.
Glenda’s extremely close proximity made Dorothea forget there was an audience. Fucking upside down wasn’t as bad as Dorothea thought it would be; in fact, it seemed almost like they were fucking in outer space—totally weightless. The rope started chafing Dorothea’s thighs, adding to the excitement. She couldn’t hold back any longer—
“There’s no place like home, There’s no PLACE LIKE HOME! THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME!”
Dorothea came harder than she had ever come in her life. Somewhere in the back of her mind she thought she heard a cheer and a rather pissed off voice saying, “What the hell was that for and what did you do with my red stilettos?” but she was already far away, resting from the most powerful orgasm she had ever known.
When Dorothea awoke and looked at the clock, she realized she still had plenty of time before she had to be on stage. Dildo was sleeping soundly in a corner of the dressing room. Dorothea looked down and saw the ruby red stilettos. She smiled at herself and finally said, “I think I’ll go with a red dress for tonight’s performance.”

Clowning Around

I'm getting a bit carried away with my stories, but I figure that at least they give someone something to talk about....or mull over. I'll post just a couple more stories and call it a good day's work. This is probably one of my favorite stories.

Clowning Around

By: Laurie
Cosmo wanted Muffy from the minute he saw her at the parade making balloon animals for a bunch of kids. He was glad his pants were so baggy, otherwise everyone would see just how much he wanted her. In two quick long-legged strides he covered the distance separating them.
He knew just the thing to win her heart. He rolled up the sleeve of his blue checkered sport coat and produced a large bouquet of colorful silk flowers. All of the children clapped and laughed as he elaborately bowed and presented the bouquet to her. She feigned embarrassment; he couldn’t tell if she was really blushing underneath all her makeup.
It was time for the kiddy show to end and the grown-up show begin. He offered his arm to her and they made their grand exit, regally walking and waving as if they were the king and queen of England.
"Do you have any leftover balloons?" he asked lewdly.
"Of course I do. Do you have any silk scarves up your sleeve?" she asked eagerly.
"About a dozen," his heart beat rapidly, "My place or yours?"
"I live right around the corner," she offered. He could tell she was just as eager as he was for this encounter.
By the time they were at her front door, Cosmo could barely restrain himself from dropping his polka-dot trousers and lifting up Muffy’s rag-doll skirt and tearing off her crisp, white pantaloons. He wanted to bend her over whatever piece of furniture that first caught his eye before penetrating her.
"Keep your pants on!" Muffy ordered when he pressed up against her while she unlocked the door.
"Not so fast," she told him when he closed the door and pressed her up against a wall and kissed her long and hard, letting his red foam nose brush against her cheek. Cosmo could hear her panting, trying to keep control of her quickly escalating breath.
"Give me your scarves," she told him.
He took a step back and began a slow dance, like a stripper warming up for her big act. Slowly, he grabbed the crotch of his polka dot trousers, unzipped them and began pulling out a red scarf, knotted to a gold scarf, followed by a royal blue scarf. She grabbed the red scarf and slowly helped him draw out scarf after scarf until she held in her hands a colorful rainbow of silk scarves knotted together.
Muffy led him into the bedroom where a very bright pink iron canopy bed awaited their presence. "You don’t know how long I’ve been wanting to do this," she admitted. She pushed him on to the bed with more strength than he expected. She unknotted the red scarf and wrapped it around one wrist and then one of the posts of the bed. Cosmo’s cock, despite the bagginess of his trousers, poked upwards like a tent pole. She unknotted the gold scarf and then tied it around his other wrist and another one of the bedposts. She repeated the process with his feet, and then took the time to rub the huge yellow costume shoes. She was glad they didn’t need to come off. "I’ll be back in a minute she told him.
She left just long enough to take off her striped tights and pantaloons and put on a pair of flaming orange fishnet stockings. She returned to the bedroom and began blowing up balloons.
First she blew up a long thin balloon, then a shorter red balloon. She bent and twisted the red balloon around the pink balloon until it resembled the balloon sword, only, he knew it wasn’t a sword. She opened her mouth and began to wrap her mouth around the toy. He watched while she greedily swallowed a small portion of the balloon. She straddled him and blew up two more balloons and formed them into the shape of another penis. She lightly rubbed against him, taking advantage of her stronger position. She caressed his face with the balloons, occasionally permitting their lips to meet and rub their foam noses together. The elastic of his trousers stretched enough for her to release his member from their confines.
"Balloons taste good, but not nearly as good as flesh!" He couldn’t believe that this lovely, sexy clown girl was going down on him, and completely costumed! It was almost too good to be true! He saw her face paint smearing as she rubbed his cock around her face and lips. She had put a balloon between her thighs and she slowly rubbed against it, knowing just how much pressure she could put on it without letting it pop. He wanted to explode.
She stopped abruptly. "I need to go get something," she told him. Once again she disappeared. The pressure in his cock was almost unbearable. Breathlessly he waited. When she returned he saw how disheveled she was. Her red cheeks and lips had smeared the white grease paint so that her lower face was mostly varying shades of pink. "I think it’s time for a different type of balloon," she explained, and slowly she began to put a bright yellow and green striped condom on him. His head was spinning as she mounted him and he felt her insides, warm, wet and tight. She stretched the fabric neck of her dress so he could see the flesh he wanted to see. He watched her breasts jiggle as she began moving faster. She began to thrust hard and vigorously until they were both ready to explode. "Whoooop! Whooooooooop!" she screamed.
"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeooooooohhhhhhwwwww whoop! Whoop!" He felt his body shake as he came.
"Beeeeeeeeeeeohhhhhh yeah!!!!" she moaned as she collapsed on to him and buried her face in the ruffled collar of his shirt. In that state of bliss he knew that this wouldn’t be the last time he clowned around with Muffy.

Martha Stewart's Dungeon:Spring Cleaning

Martha Stewart’s Dungeon: Spring Cleaning
by: Laurie
Hello. I’m Martha Stewart. As you must know, the BDSM world is not just for leather afficionados. And as you also know, spring is in the air. It’s the perfect time for spring cleaning, and that includes your dungeon. On today’s show tips on spring cleaning and a quick and easy dungeon make overs, just in time for the fresh new season. All this and a special spring surprise on today’s episode of Martha Stewart’s Dungeon. Let’s step into my dungeon.
I’m fond of saying there’s no reason for a dungeon to be dark and dank. After the long, cold winter even the dungeon needs to be aired out. Open the windows, or have your slaves open the windows, and let some fresh spring air in! Now it’s time to begin spring cleaning. If your dungeon is large like mine you might want to borrow a few subs and slaves from your friends for this job. Betty, is my personal sissy maid. Betty come and show our friends how we start our spring cleaning. Tell them about the duster.
Thank you, Homemaking Goddess. The Homemaking Goddess made her abject worshiper this special fanny feather duster. Her humble servant shakes her booty and dusts all the nooks and crannies in the dungeon. It is a great way to clean the Goddess’s temple and get exercised all at once. As you can all see, my fanny is firm and toned from all the dusting I do. Thank you Homemaking Goddess!
You’re quite welcome, Betty. Now back to work! The fanny feather duster is quite simple to make. All you need is a good sized butt plug, some high quality putty, such as the type sold at my Everything Martha store or your local K-Mart, and a feather duster, which you can also purchase at Everything Martha or K-Mart. If it doesn’t say Martha Stewart, I can’t guarantee you’ll get the superb results that I’ve been able to get with my fanny feather dusters. Drill a hole in the butt plug large enough to hold the handle of the duster. Stuff it with putty and insert the handle of the duster. You may want to let the putty dry a little before using it, but, it should hold up for immediate use just fine if you use Martha Stewart products.
You’ll notice how my dungeon floor shines like the top of the Chrysler Building. Well, I have only one secret and I am about to share it with you. After the slave has scrubbed the floor on hands and knees, he or she needs to buff the floor using their hair. I have found that nothing brings out a marble floor’s natural shine like human hair. It is important to remember to use a subbie with long, undyed hair; thick hair gives the best result. For those of you who are not fortunate enough to have a slave with shampoo commercial quality hair, you can purchase special mops at Everything Martha made with real human hair. Soon you too will have the shiniest dungeon floor in your area. Human hair will also work wonders on your windows and fine porcelain.
Spring is the perfect time for a dungeon make over. The cheapest and best way to make over your dreary dungeon is with paint. My good friend and paint subbie Sergio and I have come up with a terrific look. We used old chain for our stencil pattern and painted over the chain using heather gray and antique sterling paint. It gives the dungeon a very distinct, but chic atmosphere. You can find the chains and paint for this project at your local K-Mart or Everything Martha store. Another thing I’ve found are soft Italian leather hides in the latest spring pastels. As you can see, I’ve used them as furniture throws and throw rugs. You know how groveling slaves savor the smell and feel of leather! This is a special treat for them. These Italian leather hides are only available from my Everything Martha store because the vanilla world doesn’t deserve the fashion statement of pastel leather home accessories!
Now that the snow has melted and it’s warm outside, dungeon activities can be moved outdoors. It’s time to exercise your pony boys and girls on your private garden race track. But pony boys and girls aren’t the only ones who can benefit from outdoor adventures. There is nothing like tying a slave to a willow tree and using a switch from that very tree to send them into ecstacy. It is perhaps the cheapest toy you’ll find. However, if you must pay for a toy, then feel free to purchase a young willow tree from the Garden Department of K-Mart. You will also find them at Everything Martha where they will be on sale through Memorial Day.
An important part of spring are all the wonderful holidays celebrating spring. After spring cleaning is done, think about celebrating with a play party. There are some wonderful spring themed costumes especially designed for the sub who is an animal at heart that you can find at Everything Martha. What I am about to show you is only a glimpse of the costumes that I have in my store. Jenny is wearing a pink latex bunny costume. Decked head to foot in form fitting pink latex with soft white cotton bunny ears and a white cottontail, Jenny is sure to be the most memorable Easter bunny. Next is Angela dressed in yellow rubber as a cute chick. This short rubber dress hugs every curve and the feather trim and matching hat with the darling chick head give a new meaning to sexy chick. March comes in like a lion, and we have Marcus wearing an all suede cat suit with a hood made out of..... get this...real lion mane! Isn’t this sensational? Turn around and show that wonderful tail. The tail is the real surprise. It is detachable and makes a superb toy...a lion hair flogger! It is a truly sensational outfit. Naturally you can’t have a lion without a lamb. Josh is wearing a soft all lamb leather suit with soft lamb’s wool trim. The hood has lifelike lamb’s ears and as you can see, the tail looks quite lifelike as well, particularly when he walks!
Now that the subs are decked out in their new spring costumes and my dungeon is clean, it’s time for my spring play party! I’ve asked some of my Dom friends to hide some eggs so we can have a good, old fashioned egg hunt. There will be one twist; each sub will be blindfolded and a Dom will be behind them with a riding crop or switch to encourage them to hunt well! Afterwards there will be an egg roll, in which the subs will roll the eggs down the hill with their noses. After all the festivities, we will relax with my special German potato salad and champagne lemonade.
Please tune in next time when I will show you safe ways to play with all those leftover Easter eggs and matzoh balls! Until then, thanks for watching Martha Stewart’s Dungeon.

Martha Stewart's Dungeon

MARTHA STEWART’S DUNGEON
By: Laurie

Hello. I’m Martha Stewart. As you must know, the BDSM world is not just for leather afficionados. And as you also know, the holidays are just around the corner. It’s the perfect time to show your devotion to your Masters and Mistresses or to reward your cherished subs and slaves. On today’s show I will show you some of my favorite handmade tools and toys. Let’s step into my dungeon.
There’s no reason for a dungeon to be dark and dank. As you can see my dungeon is nice and cozy, decorated with simple country charm. The spanking bench’s hand-made quilted cover easily comes off and can be machine washed. These quilted shackles are completely washable as well– I used a pair of old socks and some quilting material to make them. And they are so comfortable... as my slave Josh could tell you if he wasn’t wearing a matching sensory deprivation hood lined with soft lambs’ wool imported from Tibet. I made the St Andrew’s cross from two planks from an old barn I had torn down to make room for my new Everything Martha store. The shingles from that same barn created this lovely set of paddling gloves. The wood shingles are carefully sanded and painted in country blue and dusty rose before being set in a faux fur surrounding. I’ve used faux mink, fox, and rabbit for these ones.
I will show you a few of my favorite handmade toys before introducing a very special guest. I bought a standard flogger and decoupaged the handle. It’s far more attractive and less intimidating to a new sub. Of course the simplest project is the homemade candles that illuminate my dungeon. Watch any episode of my show and you’ll see how I make all of my candles. Or buy my book, Candle Making with Martha. Autographed editions are available at Everything Martha.
Now I want to introduce you to Arnie Mickelmeyer, my personal Paddle maker. Arnie, I just love the personal touch you add to all of your hand-made wooden paddles. What are you going to show us today?
Well Martha, as you know, a lot of Doms out there would like to leave their mark on their pet, but they don’t want to mess with tattoos or brands. Here’s my solution: monogrammed paddles. With every slap of this paddle the bottom will know whom he or she belongs to. If you really want to impress that special someone, take your jigsaw and after carefully blocking out the letters on the paddle, carefully saw the letters out and you have a personalized paddle. Here’s one I just finished.
Why it says Martha! How thoughtful!
Merry Christmas Homemaking Goddess.
Well, while I see how well my new paddle works, we’ll take a commercial break. Bend over Arnie!
While we’re on the subject of paddles, I thought I would show you a great way to protect these erotic discipline tools. Paddle covers can add a touch of vanilla to an otherwise spicy relationship. They’re easy to make, just a thin sheet of fiberfill sewn between two pieces of muslin fabric. I prefer a floral print. A great addition is to sew buttons or beads on to the cover; or to add metal pellets before you sew up the paddle cover, sort of like filling a bean bag. Either way, your bottom won’t soon forget the TLC you’ve shown by creating these protective covers for your favorite toys, that is, if you want to keep the cover on while you use the paddle! A variation is to create smaller covers for your riding crops.
The holidays mean it’s time for another Christmas play party. Before my guests arrive, take a look at what I’ve done. The tables are decked with lovely human centerpieces that also act as hors d'oeuvres holders. My favorite is the slave skewered with the sausage and cheese bites. Those trees aren’t really trees, but subs! They are just beautiful wrapped in green saran wrap, garland, fresh cut evergreen boughs, and lights–and I sewed the ornaments on them myself! Do make sure you take the necessary precautions before you skillfully sew tinsel and ornaments on to anyone. It would be awful if one of your cherished slaves got lead poisoning from some cheap ornaments made in China. That’s why I also suggest that you don’t buy ornaments that don’t have the Martha seal of approval...available via my catalogue, my Everything Martha store, or at your local K-Mart. The plastic wrap should be high quality; colored shrink wrap is extremely hard to find in holiday colors, which is why I have opted for the common kitchen alternative. You will also want to make sure the Christmas tree subs are secured upright...there’s nothing worse than a sub who enters subspace while wrapped and causes a commotion when they fall over.
Come with me to see what I’ve done outside . Please keep in mind that this is faux snow...a combination of white Christmas tree flocking and shiny cellophane snow. I would never have my slaves and switches out here dressed up like Santa and his reindeer for hours on end in real snow! Really, I don’t know why Santa doesn’t wear leather chaps and a motorcycle jacket more often! Santa, don’t whip Vixen too much; she needs to stay standing til my party is over! Blitzen, your tail is slipping out! I want to hear your bells...Santa whip them all soundly! Much better! Ah I see my guests are arriving. I hope to see you next week when I show you how to build your own designer cages and show you what you can do with all that leftover holiday fruitcake! For now, I’m Mistress Martha Stewart. Goodbye.

In Honor of Martha Stewart

In honor of Martha Stewart's decision to begin her jail sentence as early as possible, I am going to post the stories that people are still talking about: The Martha Stewart's Dungeon stories. I believe that the last one has never been seen or read by anyone! Stay tuned!

A Dirty Story

I wrote this quite some time ago. It was inspired after C. asked me to tell him a dirty story when we were in bed together. Unfortunately, I couldn't finish it at the time, so I finished it in the next couple days and sent it to him...warning him that he better make it to the end this time!

A Dirty Story

She slammed the door as she ran outside. The rain drenched her flimsy white dress in a few short seconds. Mud splattered her legs and stained her dress. She should’ve taken the time to put on some shoes, she thought, feeling her feet slipping through the mud. The gate and freedom were just a few steps away now; she just had to reach the gate and she would be safe. She didn’t make it.
He grabbed her around the waist and threw her down into the mud. He was on top of her before she knew it. He could see her breasts pumping up and down as she panted and struggled for her freedom. She stopped fighting the moment she heard his knife open. Click.
The knife was a dark contrast to her fair, muddied skin. He held her hands in one of his above her head and began toying with her, running the sharp steel along the curve of each breast, the hollow of her throat and the side of her face. It was time to get to work.He balanced the knife in the valley between her breasts and slapped her with his free hand.
“Bitch!” he yelled, “Did you really think you’d get away? Do you think I’m that stupid?” He slapped her again for emphasis and the sheer pleasure of feeling the power he wielded over her. “Well?”
“I had to try,” she said, trying to struggle or shift her weight beneath him on the slippery, muddy ground.
The knife slipped a bit and he slapped her before adjusting it. “You sarcastic little whore! I’m not going to take this from you!” He slapped her harder. “I’m going to fuck you right here. That’ll show you who’s in charge around here.” He pulled out a pair of handcuffs and secured her hands. She wouldn’t be getting away any time soon, but to be on the safe side, he ran the knife down her body, savoring the sound of the fabric ripping and her almost silent moans as she felt the point of the knife scratching her skin.
He stopped where her dress had become bunched up around her hips. He could see her filthy, mud-covered soaking wet cunt and bare thighs, goose bumps prominent with the drops of rain pounding against her. She wasn’t going to soon forget the fucking she was about to get. He was so hard and eager to rip her in two with his dick. He shoved the handle of the knife deep into her cunt. Her eyes were wide and wild. She knew it was the knife. Was she bleeding? “Fuck that blade,” he ordered. She was so stunned she didn’t dare move. He slapped her hard, making her teeth rattle. “I told you to fuck the blade and fuck it hard!”
Reluctantly, she moved her hips and he thrust the knife in deeper, just to watch her wince. He took the time to slap her tits and face a few more times. When he undid his pants, his cock immediately popped its head through, eager to find a warm place to shoot his load. The rain makes a good enough lube, he thought to himself.
“Spread your legs, you filthy bitch,” he ordered, forcing her legs wide open. “Your cunt is already full…I think you need to be stuffed in your ass,” He guided his cock into her ass. It went in easily since everything was so wet and slippery. She gasped feeling his cold, hard cock penetrating her so quickly. He was pounding her so hard with his cock and she thought for sure she was being cut with the knife inside her. “Fuck me back, slut!” he yelled. He began shoving the knife in and out of her pussy, in time with his own thrusts. She was a good fuck.
He watched her eyes, her face, full of terror. She had wanted to get away so badly, but he had overwhelmed her. Recalling the last couple minutes combined with the delightful sensation of pounding her ass took him over the edge. He came hard; he had let go of the knife and was squeezing her tits as hard as he could. He thought he heard her crying out in pain. All he knew was her tight ass was clenching his cock tight and it felt wonderful.
For a few minutes they lay panting, their chests heaving against each other. He took the knife out of its warm sheath and put it back in his pocket. He looked at her, almost completely covered in mud and exhausted from struggling. He knew he looked as bedraggled and as filthy as she looked. The rain seemed a lot colder now that he didn’t have a hard-on. “It’s time for a shower,” he said. He gathered her in his arms and they headed inside for some good, clean fun.

Why I Bounce

Those that know me know that I bounce. Why do I bounce? Well that's a good question I've asked myself during non-bouncy moments. Just last night I was thinking about creating this blog and that started me thinking about my bounciness.
I haven't always been bouncey. I don't even jump rope very well. I virtually never bounced as a kid; not that I can recall, anyhow. I didn't bounce when I was with Kim, although I was in a euphoric state most of the time with Him. Bouncing didn't come around til after He died. As near as I can tell, I started bouncing a little less than a year after Kim died and after I had started getting involved in the local leather community. In fact, a few people might even remember a time when I was brand new to the local groups when I didn't bounce...if they think hard enough; I know I've had to think about it!
I look at bouncing as a very spiritual aspect of me. Some people sing, some dance, some preach their love of God. I bounce. It seems to start somewhere deep in the earth...some sort of energy burst that enters my feet and then jets through me until I need to bounce. It's a reflection of my joy with life...it's a form of communion with the universe and everything that has formed me into who I am. For the brief moment when my feet don't touch the ground, I am embraced by the universe and all that created me. It's a euphoric, wonderful feeling that that combines spirituality and worship with natural movement, pleasure, and even my sexuality. Yes, for me bouncing is almost orgasmic...maybe it is a bunch of mini orgasms...sometimes it feels that good. Of course, you'd never know that I practically come just from bouncing except that I'm writing about it, because it's such a subtle thing that one never thinks about...usually I don't even think about it when I'm bouncing because it's so much more than an orgasm...it is part of joining the universe and embracing the very essence of life. Life is exuberance and joy and knowledge. Somehow simply bouncing reminds me about why I live and love and feel pain.
I notice every so often others will bounce with me. That's an amazing feeling...it's wonderful to feel the ecstatic movement of more than a solitary bounce. I always encourage bouncing. It seems like a childish action; happy kids bounce quite a bit. I love that kid energy and feeling the bounciness that kids take for granted...I don't think they realize what a beautiful, spiritual moment it is and how when they bounce the universe reverberates and answers with passion.
How does bouncing relate to kink? For me it's an integral part of the play process. When I'm playing, I'm having fun. When I'm having fun, I am grateful for the opportunity to feel pleasure, love, friendship-- a lot of the things I didn't feel very often as a kid. I feel joy and so I bounce. Besides, bouncing makes bondage so much more pleasurable for everyone involved. Bouncing brings people into a scene and unites us as a community in a memorable event. We laugh and in our laughter we commune and let others see us as playful humans more than "serious players."
I tried to fight the nickname Bouncy, but it has stuck and it's obviously appropriate and infinitely more acceptable than Tigger (I'm not the feline sort of person). What's important is my friends have given me that nickname and who am I to object to something that describes a movement that is so fundamental to who I am in the universe?
There you have it. The Tao of Bounce by Laurie.